Wednesday, September 24, 2003

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Enlightenment through annihilation. Nadie felt her shoulder dislocate as her momentum met his inertia. He clung to her wrist as desperately as she struggled through the pain to escape his grasp. The Abyss opened below and she wanted nothing more right then than to be in it. Surrounded by the darkness, the quiet, the absense of thought and feeling she knew awaited her there.

"LET ME GO, CONNOR!" she shouted through the waves of pain eminating from her shoulder.

"No, Nadie. Come back. You don't have to come back to me but come back." his voice was steady, his eyes were firm and she looked away from them.

'Don't look' she told herself. She looked down again. The swaying of her body had almost stopped now, Connor's grip was still hard as steel. The pain in her shoulder was giving way a bit so that the pain in her soul could return. Her breathing became ragged, dragging through her clenched throat, hot tears stinging her eyes. More quietly she pleaded "Let me go, Conner. Just let me go."

Nadie heard the sigh, could almost see the dark lids come down over ice blue eyes. "I can't. I won't. I love you. I wish that didn't cause you so much pain but I do." She looked up to see his forehead lowering to the stone ledge.

"Come back Nadie. Tell me what you want and I'll do it. I'll leave if that's what you really want." He rasied his head again and met her eyes.

"Tell me you don't love me" she said needing to hear it with all her heart.

"I can't do that." Connor shifted his weight, getting his hips and feet under his center of gravity as best he could. Knowing it was going to hurt her more, he suddenly leaned, lifted and pulled her up.

Holding her screaming, trembling body close he lowered her to the ground. Taking her arm in one hand and feeling her shoulder with the other he found the spot. Without a word quickly popped the joint back in place. Nadie's final scream filled the cave and Conner sat back on his haunches while she adjusted.

"Is that what you really want? Is that what this has all been about? The drinking, the running around all this stupidity? You want me to stop loving you?"

Nadie looked up at him and swiped the tears from her face. "You DON'T love me! You can't love me!" She sat up and slammed back against the rock wall across from Conner grimacing as her shoulder hit.

"I don't understand. I guess I never will. I don't know how to get through that cast iron skull of yours. I love you. Whether you believe it or not, I do. I am never not going to love you. You can rant and scream and burn the city down but I will still love you. You can throw yourself off every cliff on the planet and I will still love you. When I am dead and gone you will still have to face the fact that I love you. If you can't face that, if it causes you so much pain that you would rather be dead than let me love you, I can't help you. I can't stop."

He rose and walked purposefully over to her. "Are you going to walk or do you want to be carried?"

"Where are we going?"

"To the emergency room. Then I'm taking you back to your place. From there, it's up to you."

"I'll walk."



posted by Kimber at 2:47 PM :: ~#~

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